Once upon a time

There was a time, three or four years ago, when I didn't think I could keep going in my day job. It was really, really hard - the most pressure I've ever faced, the most responsibility I'd ever had - and I was dealing with things I had no experience with. Yup, I'll admit that. And I am so grateful when my colleagues aren't afraid to say what they don't know, too. 

Anyways.

It must have been early March, after a particularly draining event, when I went outside to clear my head and breathe. I stood where this picture was taken. The lake was brown and choppy and crashing against this wall. It was aggressive and threatening. I thought, "I don't know if I can do this." There may have been a few tears.

The lake kept crashing forward at me. But the chaos was predictable. I could trust it. 

Then I realized, "I can do this. I am doing it already."

And I've never doubted my ability in my job since then. Yes, I've struggled with aspects of it. But because the painful process of learning and growing became something I could trust and even rely on to move me forward, I never wanted to give up on it again. 

How do you know you've reached your capacity for learning or being creative or successfully executing a project or job unless you test it under pressure? I hope mine is expansive and deep as a lake. It is getting bigger every day.  

But damn if a girl could get a break for once....wouldn't that be nice!